There’s an old proverb that says, “if you walk down a path of vengeance then you dig two graves, one for your enemy and one for yourself.” You have to set out on a higher path I guess. That’s laughable at best for most people, including myself. It’s hard to see the world for what it really is. At least from my point of view. I’ve never had everything I wanted. To be quite honest.. Until recently for my family nothing has ever gone smoothly. The Watts luck has probably been passed down from generation to generation. It sucks. I have this ridiculous urge to help everyone or everything that comes into my life. Just like my dad. I didn’t notice it until recently and I’ve never done it because I wanted to be more like him. Hell he’s almost always been the exact opposite of who I’ve wanted to be. Until I realized.. My dads a hero to Jackson. I know it’s pretty ridiculous to say myself but he’s done more in his 20 years in the Jackson police department than most people do in their lives. He’s almost lost his life, he’s almost lost his family, he’s lost a best friend, and for what? Some ridiculous obligation to do what’s right? Although I can sympathize… I feel the same way. I just inherited his feelings. Just on a much larger scale. I want to do better things than just try and save this rotten city he’s squandered his life away protecting for some ungrateful assholes and a few gracious citizens. I’ve got to… Or else his life spent teaching me right from wrong would have been for nothing right? I guess. Although my morality will always get in the way of what needs to be done. I don’t care. After December of this year… I’m going to do what needs to be done. I’m tired sitting quietly waiting for people to realize that. I’m not going to do this anymore and anyone who gets in my way… I swear they will regret it.
Anonymous asked:
How can you say that son confidently? You never know unless you try right?
Look… I hate being told that. I do try. Back to back to back and you know what? No one gets hurt and left alone but me. So if you think I wasn’t trying or if you think I gave up so easily… please show me some proof because from my view point I did everything I possibly could.
Ya know comic books and graphic novels for me represent a window. A window that forces you to look at the human tragedy. You know that weight we all feel pilling up on our shoulders everyday. Getting heavier and heavier. I’ve been reading two comics where that is apparent in more ways than one. Legion Lost is the first I have come to realize represents the greatest of all lessons we need to learn. It represents the value of friendship and the ever so important struggle to move on despite the pit of despair you feel you’re in. The second is The Flash, it’s not about the fastest man on earth and how he always triumphs over evil. It represents a man’s struggle to move fast. Yet like every hero from the everyday man to the heroes of comic books he can’t move fast enough to do it all no matter how hard he tries. As such.. We all can find someone in a comic that represents us. It’s not because of the superheroes we adore or the powers we want to have. It the simple fact that despite how strong the man or woman behind that mask is.. They feel the same helplessness we feel everyday. Thats the point of comics. To help you cope with your inner issues. To help you realize that you’re not alone. No matter who you are or what you’ve done. There is always someone who is right there with you in the same pit of despair… I guess what I’m saying is never feel alone because you aren’t alone. Never have been never will be.
That moment something inside me just died. That first time you ever saw me cry at least when I was sober. I cried in your chest. Wishing I could stand up and scream that I hated you… But you knew I couldn’t do that. It was that moment that I will always remember as the worst day of my life. So I’ll laugh while I can muster it up inside. I’m losing the happy go lucky attitude I once had. My world is upside down. I don’t know what to do.
Growling and footsteps are what I hear when I’m all alone in the dark as if some predator far more terrifying than anything I have laid eyes upon is waiting to strike. What’s it waiting for? Can it not sense I am alone? My guard would be nothing compare to the ferocious attack I envision. Tearing my meat from my bone to reveal I was nothing more than a self aware mammal. I peer into the dark as if my eyes could try and make out the beast. All I see are glowing yellow eyes peering deep into my being.. It was sizing me up. Like it wanted me to be the first to strike as if I would be a formidable morsel for it to devour. No… Don’t give into that. I always think. It wants you to be afraid and to be the first to attack. It wants to catch you off guard then pick you clean. I will wait for it to come to me… Stronger it is, smarter it might be, quicker I’m sure… Wait for an attack. Look for your opening. Level your thoughts. Stop trying to see it’s doing you no good now. Hear it’s well placed and planned movement. Smell it’s putrid aroma. Feel it’s heavy breath. Be still. Let it know you do not fear it. Don’t let your mind wander. You will soon be neither here. Nor there. It’s not stronger. I’m stronger. Over power the beast with your courage. With the brute strength you can muster. You can win. If you don’t where will you fall? Into a darker more lonely place. At least here I have the beast to keep my company. Wait. A change. It’s closer. Much closer. I Hear it’s movements they make the ground shake. It’s stench surrounds me now. The beasts breath us thick in the air around me. Uncontrollably I shiver. Stop god damn you. Don’t fear this monster. This beast with the yellow piercing eyes. It no more than me. A creature wishing to survive. However different our survival methods are do not matter now. All that does is who’s will is stronger. Who’s the one who can divulge their all for this single fight. I feel it lunge towards me pinning me to the ground I feel it go to bite a wolf like snout. I grab it’s upper and lower jaws pushing them away. Then suddenly I feel the grip slip and the warm teeth pierce the skin on my left shoulder. It digs in deep and hard. Pulling at my shoulder with all it’s might. Wincing in pain I let out a scream. Until I realize I no longer had a voice at least. Just a raspy yell. Gnawing on my shoulder. I feel it crack and begin to rip. How surreal the pain must have been I can almost feel it now… I awoke after the feeling of my limb being torn from my body. It didn’t feel like a dream. Too real. Too vivid. Time to sleep again. I hope I do nit cross paths with this beast again..
The hysterical laughing of a man who is insane. Let’s not say insane. He’s quite sane. He’s just so sane that it is surreal. The brain he possess moves so rapidly he can’t help but create games to play with others. Jokes, clues, riddles if you will. What is life but one big deceit after another? We grow up being told many lies. You can do anything you want. Anything is possible. Being happy is the only thing that matters. One day you’ll find someone perfect for you. In the end the man who never stops moving strives for that will die rather suddenly. More than likely from a swift and clean heart attack if he’s lucky enough not to become a brain dead vegetable on a cold hospice bed for the remainder of the brief existence we refer to as life. Although the man who waits plants the right ideas. Let’s them grow and deceives those around him. Let’s them believe they are making their own decisions. Pushes them in that direction the pulls the strings ever so gently. That man is the one who will grow old. Who has always watched from the corner of a dark room with the slightest smirk as though not to be seen at all. It’s his joke. His joke will grow and become his reality. Attention to detail and a common poke in a different direction to keep the attention away from him. Who knows who that could be in your life. There’s always a joker in the deck when you first open it. Remember that much my friend.
Long and hard has the journey down this endless road of bloodshed been. Although we long for peaceful coexistence we persecutee our enemy. Bind and gag them throw them in display as if to say to some other faction in infancy “think you can make it further?” we take their power, laugh at the mockery we made of them, then we build on their defeat as if to make a monument declaring we are powerful and we are not a force to be reckoned with. We as a species have become arrogant. Thinking we are top of the food chain simply because we have a mind that is capable of complex thought. Disgusting we are. Despicable in fact. Unless something changes we will all be engulfed in our own hatred for one another. Sooner or later. It is just inevitable. After all the time of man is dwindling into nonexistence because we are simply destroying each other. What a wonderful specimen we shall become to whatever comes after our fall. I do indeed look forward to being a fossil on display in some museum for a more evolved being one day.
